I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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