She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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