I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
