this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
