yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
