I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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