guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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