3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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