I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
