Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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