My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
