i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
