exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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