walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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