butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
