i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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