Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
