On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
