Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
