It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
