just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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