Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
