So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
