You're completely useless in the revolution.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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