Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
