she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
