I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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