May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
