Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
