So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
