I just threw up on my dentist
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
