Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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