So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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