I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
