That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
