He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
