after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
