I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
