Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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