just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
