Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
