My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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