Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
