you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
