it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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