on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
