Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
