I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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