How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
