So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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