I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
