Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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