Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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