saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
