my sisters under your porch take her home
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
