11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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