Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
