Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
