dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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