i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
