Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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