I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
