Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
