Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
