I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
