i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
