That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize