and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
