Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
